My Happy Thought

Needles, especially of the medical kind, scare me. I detest injections (who doesn't?). IV (intravenous) medications are torturous and whenever I have to undergo them, I have to have a warm and strong hand to hold on to during the excruciating process, almost always Mama's comforting hand. That and a happy thought I can drown myself in.

Early Monday dawn (while Bebeng was ravaging Manila and other parts of Luzon), I had an IV medication for a major allergy attack stemming from a pain reliever I took. It was the first time I needed something much stronger than my tried and tested regular antihistamine drug. I was beyond anxious and I started snapping at the slow emergency room (ER) nurses and firing questions at the attending doctor, who looked way too young to be in the ER (she turned out to be nice when I calmed down but I still believe she shouldn't be at the ER yet).

I was holding my tita's niece's hand (they brought me to the ER) when the nurse started checking for the "right" vein. She finally found one after two painful attempts but all the while I was very much aware it wasn't Mama's hand I was holding (for her own sake by the way, I conveniently omitted the ER part when I told her about my allergy attack) so I desperately tried to find a happy thought I can latch on to to take my mind off the grim scenarios running in my head. It didn't take long to find my happy thought.

Yoah was my happy thought (no, not Charlie the Cow). I relived his vibrant laughter in my head, the teasing way he says "Mommmmmmyyy," the mischievous twinkle in his eyes, our quiet reading times and rough and noisy plays, and the feel of his soft, little body tucked lovingly into mine. Before I realized it, the IV medication was almost over and a tingly feeling was rushing over me, trying to lull me to sleep but I fought it. I was busy pestering the young doctor to take my vital signs again and again and (unsuccessfully) assign a nurse to just watch over me the entire time.

I've already recovered from that episode, thank you, Lord, although I'm still going to be under medication for the next several days. But that experience made me realize how powerful prayer is, that I should really be more health conscious and actively doing something about it, and lastly, it is important to have a happy thought always.

And Yoah is my happy thought - he inspires, motivates, and drives me. He keeps me strong and centered in the face of challenges and fear. I can only wish I will also be his happy thought if and when he needs one.

Big thanks to my tita, her sister, and niece for taking care of me and to my childhood friend, Doc Gabby, for cheering me up and the wonderful (and sometimes shocking) pieces of advice :)

P.S.
Will continue my Palawan Series very soon. Please bear with me :)

Yoah

10:10 a.m., August 13, 2007. I will never forget the time and date my life irrevocably changed forever. It was the day I went through the most amazing experience any woman could ever have - giving birth.

I had quite a journey during my pregnancy. No, I wasn't one of those women who threw up at the mere sight of "offensive" foods or had "impossible" cravings (a cousin of a friend harassed her husband no end for PERFECTLY SQUARE avocados). Physically, I had a relatively easy and uncomplicated pregnancy, labor, and delivery.

But, emotionally it was a different story. I was bursting with excitement when I first found out, at 7 weeks, that I was pregnant. It was surreal yet spiritual in a way. I was constantly in awe of the fact that there was another human being growing inside me. But then, hormones do really kick-in big time when you're pregnant. Plus, the fact that circumstances weren't really ideal and some things were just beyond my control made for a roller coaster ride of emotions, which I kept hidden well within me. No crying fits or wild tantrums for this girl.

But I'm past all those now. I am in a much better place than I've ever been in this lifetime and it all started that warm August morning.

Yoah is my pride and joy. Not until he came into my life did I realize that it is possible to feel so much love for another human being. I never thought that I would totally and completely love another as if it's the most natural thing in the world to do. I love my family and dearest friends very much but the love for one's child is of a different level, of a different kind. I realize now the wisdom of the mothers who came before me, who spoke of unconditional love as if they're just talking about a really normal and regular thing to do like grocery shopping.

Having him is by far, the best thing that's happened to me. I love every minute of being a mother and there's a sense of peace and serenity that motherhood has brought me. It is a humbling experience yet the most rewarding. One toothless smile, one touch from chubby little fingers, one look of recognition from those big, brown eyes, are enough to wipe away the fears, sorrows, and exhaustion of the day.

It really is a beautiful and blessed life.